Life's Bittersweet Simplicities

Archive for the 'reminders' Category

A Secret at はるにれの木

harunire

At any moment in time, there is a feeling of vulnerability that makes itself known.

Sometimes in weakness, sometimes in strength.

A lover’s embrace, littered in tears.

And a silence that wraps itself like a cocoon on each other’s lips.

A moment felt,

A moment made ours,

As the sky turned dark and the shadows came creeping.

I know what I felt, I know that gentle rhythm. The solidification of my emotions, I gave you my all, on that cold November evening.

It had been perfection. A transcendence that far exceeded any form of expectation.

A spell had been cast.

A secret shared.

It was only just us.

And a tree that was.

posted by BabyGin in confessions,emo,events,Japan,personal,pics,reminders,travel,travelogue and have No Comments

July’s Gift.

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There is a simplicity in happiness. It’s a form of contentment that holds no expectations. It is the kiss from a lover, a brush from a cat, a lick of a dog or the harmony of a song that strums with the energies of your heart. It comes unexpectedly – sometimes its meeting brief, sometimes it lasts much longer. But you know somehow, you know when it makes an entrance and then you start to smile. It isn’t always a wide toothed smile, neither is it one that has to invoke laughter. It is as simple as its meaning yet secretive in its many mysterious ways. A smile often holds a secret – sometimes shared, sometimes merely yours, or it could in fact be in plain sight, just unconsciously aware.

Today it is here. After a night of torrid emotions and a morning of strange erratic dreams. A smile ever so simple, so tiny – it stays almost buried.

Today i am happy. Today I am content. And today I feel blessed.

It’s hard to say why. Or to explain the mechanics of this moment but it hit me so fast, yet so tender in its embrace. A moment of rocking on the carpet, the light whiff of patchouli and the familiar smells of home, the whirring of the ceiling fan, the sounds of my Spotify and the soft trickling of my little aquarium friends, and my four furry monsters, each trying to climb on my lap. They all merged swiftly together in a reminder of what I am and where I am, and then I smiled. A smile so vague, it would seem almost melancholic – even to me.

Strange.

For a moment I wondered to myself. Was it indeed a sad smile? A smile of accepted resignation perhaps? Then i closed my eyes and a bubble of quiet laughter escaped my lips in the millisecond it took for my fluffy Pomeranian to jump at my lips. It is in truth the smile of simple contentment and like the gentle lapping of waves against the shore, it brings with it the simplistic joy and happiness that many often assume unattainable.

Today I am happy.

Today I am content.

And truth be told, there is no secret. Happiness really is as simple as it seems.

posted by BabyGin in Australia,confessions,happy,personal,pics,reminders,travel,travelogue,wordy and have No Comments

All It Takes is A Care Bear ♥

 

Somedays you find yourself hysterical and so tired of life that every little mistake becomes more than just a little. All you want to do is to scream and run off expecting things to change for the better from your disillusions of leaving.

And then, every once in a while something magical happens and your heart stops it torrid unhappy beatings and the little curvatures of your lips turn upwards even when you try to hide it.

Last night was one of those nights.

And a Care Bear names Share Bear saved the day.

It’s true you know.

Care Bears do bring joy and love wherever they go.

And then they remind you of the reasons you always stayed anyway.

And all you want to do from then on is latch on and never let go.

posted by BabyGin in camwhore,confessions,events,happy,personal,photobooth,pics,reminders and have No Comments

Dancing Shadows

Lie beneath pale white ceiling and stare, stare straight up into nothing but the slow moving blades of the fan switched on at one.

How do you feel?

What do you feel?

It’s an eerie kind of moment as the silence of the house becomes a ringing sound that reverberates through your entire being. You pick up noises you normally never notice and it feels as if you were listening to time itself move in it’s unwavering way. Time is moving, time keeps moving but for some reason you’re not.

It isn’t a type of boredom. It isn’t even close.

This level of melancholia serves no purpose. It comes and it goes as it pleases.

Tilt your head a little to the side.

And then notice how the room feels like it’s beginning to shrink. Caving into you in a strange distorted movement that causes not fear, but strangely, a calm sort of acceptance.

The shadows are dancing, they dance a slow languid dance as you spy from the corners of your eyes.

You blink.

And then all you hear is your raspy breathing, stifled and dry.

posted by BabyGin in confessions,musings,personal,pics,reminders,wordy and have No Comments

Illusory

Days go by as if reality itself was nothing more than an illusion. Days hold no significance, it’s just a game of chasing time for no apparent reason.

The heart stops beating.

Days of carefree smiles and fearless games lace themselves repeatedly in my dreams. I was innocent once; innocent and indescribably happy.

Trees, bicycles, a dalmation, swings and a jungle gym were my best friends. Falls and scraped knees meant nothing then. I see it all — the roads, the paths and the green grass i spent hours each day exploring. I didn’t need anybody, walking along on my own, I loved each day despite everything else around that was going on.

Love was overflowing. Everyone deserved my smile. My tears were reserved for the mourning of dead hamsters and not being allowed to let my dog sleep in the house. They were not meant to spill for anybody else, not the way they dominate my eyes now.

I was a quiet child. I was the child that hid behind familiar faces and kept her mouth shut. I ran to corners and sat on my own, staring and watching as i whispered to any available animal i could get my hands on.

Still, I had been a happy child. I didn’t need anyone but myself.

Do you know me?

Do you know me at all?

Can you see how the sparkle in my eyes rely so much on you now. How everything else I have left in fear of being judged by you as someone unworthy of your smile.

You don’t notice me disappear.

You don’t see the signs.

How could you?

You never really knew me.

I want to run. I want to flee. I want my pain to stop.

For the only one who can return my sparkle will not give it to me.

And I sit despondently in my corner, bemused by own trapped stupidity.

When did anyone become more important than myself?

So much that I would become mute, weak and unsure.

I see the signs in the mirror now. My smile is awkward and lopsided. My skin is pale and uneven. My eyes squint and blink in confusion. My hair has lost it’s glossy shine, and my signature confidence, it’s gone. It’s gone and I don’t know where it’s gone.

There is only so much of an illusion of hope each day brings.

Sometimes it grows, but many times lately it becomes little but obsolete.

Tonight.

Tonight I let my heart break as i disappoint that little girl who smiles upside down at me on the jungle gym who knows the world had been perfectly within reach. The girl who had almost everything but gave it all away to sit at home each day and wait.

To wait for that little ray of sunshine at the end of that tunnel.

That I can barely even see.

posted by BabyGin in confessions,emo,personal,pics,reminders,sad,stupidity,tragedies,upset,wordy and have No Comments