Life's Bittersweet Simplicities

Archive for the 'cravings' Category

Dated: 11 November 2011 @ That Little Room That Leaks – Hotel Rooms

-7.40p.m-

Hotel rooms.

I crave them much too often than I should.

And more often than not, I wished I could just check myself in and hide there for a while.

Alone.

But then I wonder, why pay so much money to sink into an unfamiliar bed just to cry myself to sleep?

Fact is, I don’t know.

All I know is, that’s what I wish I could do if I could really afford it.

Hotel rooms.

If they could talk, they would tell you so many different stories. That chair in that corner would have so much to say and those pillows would have a million emotions to share.

What was the previous guest like?

Was he alone? Was he lonely?

Or was he with someone? Someone special or just someone?

What were the thoughts running in every guests head?

Was the previous guest just like me?

Or was he was genuinely happy.

What secrets would the cracking walls whisper and what moving images would the mirrors reflect?

So much goes on.

All that history in the dimly lit rooms I crave.

Even mine becomes a part of that room whos number I will not remember.

Hotel rooms.

I need you more than ever.

posted by BabyGin in confessions,cravings,emo,musings,personal,pre-written,sad,wordy and have No Comments

The cascade of sudden Okays!

I like to procrastinate.

In fact, i take that as one of my more advanced skill levels. This probably sounds very unconvincing to any future employers i may have but fear not as this only applies to things that i do for myself.

So anyway, in just the running span of 48 hours, i have amazingly managed to get myself busier than i can handle with my superb procrastination level.

2 assignments, an exam, vanity dreams, a short story competition, a pretty tedious copyriting job, family obligations, some stupid career counseling thing for college and another freelance stand and  look pretty job. ALL by Tuesday!

WHEEE!!!!!!!!!!

But you see ah, i promised to update my blog and im here updating now. I know its way later than expected BUT STILL sooner than usual lately.

There’s actually a ton of things i want to blog about lately but these occurrences always happen when im doing something else. Someone seriously needs to invent some blogging mechanism that can read brainwaves or something. WTF.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT TO BUM BY THE BEACH AND SIP ON COCONUTS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

posted by BabyGin in confessions,cravings,random,rants and have No Comments

Imagination – Playground

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transition.

my minds swirling in a haze of loud dance music, drinks and sweaty vibrations.

flashback.

i crave.

much too sudden.

im in a wordy mood today.

music streams from my rarely used laptop speakers, shuffling in random orders yet all songs i love and adore.

every few minutes it’s a different sound, and with every delicate composition; i close my eyes and a new image forms.

now i see the play of fairy lights as they fall in and out of focus under a starlit sky and a wooden dock where gentle waves lap against it’s wooden beams.

halos.

colourful halos.

everythings a blur. but the changing of coloured lights that seem to beat like heartbeats of fireflies.

green grass. blue skies. white clouds.

sprawled bodies, hands intertwined.

checkered cloth. knee length dresses. little brights yellow daisies.

fantasy.

it’s amazing how the simple act of focusing on a song can transport you in and out of reality like the flicking on and off of a switch.

im nowhere.

but im everywhere.

im in car. the top’s open. there are trees on either side.

try hard enough and i can smell the fresh air of a countryside i’ve never known my entire life.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Come with me to a place of fantasy
I’ll take you on a sea-saw
Come with me to a place that’s by the sea
I’ll take you on a board walk
Take my hand I’ll take you to the sand
You and me will build a castle
Ready set go I’ll race you to the wall
I will win I am the fastest

I don’t wanna grow old
Bring me all the toys you can find
You don’t wanna grow up
You can be my partner in crime

I’ll be sure to write you from the war
Put your guns away it’s tea time
Water bombs and tea towel tired mums
Looking for a little me time
Close your eyes and count to thirty five
You may never ever find me
Close my eyes and then I realise
You are never far behind me

I don’t wanna grow old
Bring me all the toys you can find
You don’t wanna grow up
You can be my partner in crime
I don’t wanna grow old
Bring me all the toys you can find
You don’t wanna grow up
You can be my partner in crime

Let’s have fun, let’s play out under the sun
Will you take me by the hand
Let’s see how far we can run, yeah
Let’s play chase let’s put make up on our face
You can catch me if you can
We can make a secret place

Meet me at the playground, come with me, fool around

-Sia, Playground.

posted by BabyGin in confessions,cravings,lyrics,personal,pics,travel,wordy and have Comment (1)

My Freedom

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“He doesn’t know you before… I did.”

Untamable.

That’s what he meant.

That’s what they all said.

And that’s what they all laugh about when i smile and shake my head.

In exchange for an affection i had wanted only from you, I gave myself up by will. But in our hearts we leave too much room for expectations that we fail to look at the reality of the whole picture. One way, two way. We are all guilty of such sinful demeanor.

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At 10 I flew on my own to Perth to live with a friend for a month not missing the words home even once.

At 11 i took cabs and walked out of the house with only the words I’m going out. Freedom was my everything. Not coming home for days meant absolutely nothing.

At 12, i fell asleep in clubs, bars and friend’s homes with people i meet on random whims because alcohol made me sleep.

Silently, being alone became a part of me as i grew up and casually edged myself away from my safest nests.

Everyone cared. I had more love than i needed from family, friends and strangers alike.

I craved the attention. I needed the company.

But still i drifted into my corner that earned me the title of “the social antisocial.”

At 15, I walked around the neighbourhood, up the hilll taking as long as i could to reach home in heels and skirts so short you would stop and stare even if i was ugly. All this at 4am in the morning. Screams and fights and the screeching of car breaks as i scramble my way out and slam the car doors mid motion through the empty streets that scream solitude at such hours.

Trips to Bali made me happy. Walking along the dirty alleyways hand in hand in the dark and making friends with the dodgiest looking of people. There had been no lines drawn. No rights or wrongs. I did as i willed with him accompanying me along. Watching, keeping me away from harm.

Fast forward.

School trip to Seoul. School trip to Kyoto.

Midnight walks. Empty streets. Quiet carriage trains. Cold breeze. Signboards i couldn’t read.

I never felt safer.

Men who spoke in pauses and men who sometimes drew pictures. Men 3 times my age.

People never understood.

I got along with them too well.

Laughter filled my heart.

Laughter in the unknown place with men who could rape me at any given minute.

They never did.

They gave me advice and told me I was beautiful refusing to believe i was not even legal.

Fast forward more.

Parents suddenly put a collar. My freedom became restricted.

I never understood why.

I never did drugs. I never picked up a cigarette.

They said it was because i was ripe.

Funny.

I hadn’t changed a bit since i hit puberty at 10-11.

I guess people never really noticed.

My downfall then began.

I fail when I am bounded.

Depression came and go much too often.

Fast forward to 2007.

He helped me pick my clothes.

He knew my taste. He let me roam. I always came back. I was his.

Corea Seoul.

I carried his picture in a photoframe.

I missed him so much i hated the couples on the street.

Still i loved this place.

I felt like i never wanted to leave.

First night alone, she directed me home by myself.

I was scared.

For the first time ever I had been scared to walk in a strange place by myself in the dark.

It had been all the restraints put on me. That extraction of freedom from me.

10 days.

I had my own little apartment in a not so busy street.

I grew to remember the joys of lonely walks at the hours people were normally asleep.

I crave that right now.

at 21. My freedom has been restricted.

Things that made me happy now become wrong for reasons of a past that did not even involve me.

I always come back. I always do.

My trips that replenish my soul just keep being taken away from me.

I need this.

There is no way to explain it to you.

It’s not about holidays.

It’s more than just this.

It’s an accumulation of a collar that keeps getting tighter as i age and you being the one to tighten that leash.

Horses run wild.

But I walked into your stables.

I am thinning.

I need you still.

But i am dying without my fresh pastures and free runs across uncharted mappings.

Take a ride with me.

Or else let me run free.

I’ll be right here again.

I never leave.

Not until you push me.

posted by BabyGin in confessions,cravings,emo,personal,pics,sad,tragedies,travel,wordy and have No Comments

Someday…

Some days i want to leave it all and run away to a place where i can be alone and the realities of the world exist only in the news that litters the expanse of my coffee table.

Somewhere where the horizon is seen as clearly as the day and the sea is just a little stretch away from my tingling toes that crave its constant presence and my tears mix with it’s salty coolness.

I don’t have to have lots of money, just enough to be comfortable in my little home away from the bustling noise of the city.

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One day i will have the freedom and strength to do this.

The courage to let myself go and push myself beyond my known limits.

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Someday.

One day.

I will it all go.

And allow myself to truly be me.

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Until then, sugar bunnies like this will be my childish amusements.

(no, i dont know where to find them)

*pictures nicked from Carmen*

posted by BabyGin in confessions,cravings,personal,pics,reminders,yoga and have No Comments