Life's Bittersweet Simplicities

Archive for the 'emo' Category

Empty.

I’m not the kind of person who often feels the emotion of regret, yet it comes every now and then, and it hits me harder than a wave out at sea.

For some strange reason, I had always thought they were about different things. And then today – it finally dawned upon me. The truth is, this feeling has always been about the same thing; in different forms yet in essence, infinitely the same.

My pain, that nauseating ache – it was you and the time I could never get back.

And then those ringing words of warning the past 8.5 years come back to haunt me, as if in glee they sang.

I’m stretched thin. But you won’t even care.

And here I am back at square one, wondering why I never left.

posted by BabyGin in confessions,emo,personal,sad,tragedies,upset,wordy and have No Comments

Heartbreaks

When the heart breaks, it breaks for many reasons. Sometimes we just never know when it’s going to happen. It could be something big, something trivial, something completely unexpected. Yet a heartbreak remains a heartbreak.

It isn’t always a person. Sometimes its just an expectation, or an unwanted situation. But it hurts in such a way, you lose all motivation. Days pass, time keeps moving, but there you are, left floating.

Some days you wake up with tears stinging your eyes, a feeling of confusion as to why you’re even still living. The living becomes a dream, one that holds no meaning.

Depression is a killer, laced with the arsenic that is your own. It feeds on heartbreaks that remain an open wound.

And here I am again.

In that pain and withdrawal, that is mine and only mine to feel.

posted by BabyGin in confessions,emo,personal,sad,wordy and have No Comments

A Secret at はるにれの木

harunire

At any moment in time, there is a feeling of vulnerability that makes itself known.

Sometimes in weakness, sometimes in strength.

A lover’s embrace, littered in tears.

And a silence that wraps itself like a cocoon on each other’s lips.

A moment felt,

A moment made ours,

As the sky turned dark and the shadows came creeping.

I know what I felt, I know that gentle rhythm. The solidification of my emotions, I gave you my all, on that cold November evening.

It had been perfection. A transcendence that far exceeded any form of expectation.

A spell had been cast.

A secret shared.

It was only just us.

And a tree that was.

posted by BabyGin in confessions,emo,events,Japan,personal,pics,reminders,travel,travelogue and have No Comments

Burnt Reins and The Beginning of Regret.

It is in that moment of weakness that you often realize how the words of warning from others have actually rung true. But it is also in that moment of weakness, you find escape an impossible thing to do. Not because it really is, but because the guilt of doing so will hurt not just you, but those you love dearly too.

As the years pass, the dull ache of sadness turns into something much worst. It grows into a fiery spite that burns itself into a constant reminder of whose decision and mistake it clearly is. Because in the end, it is nobody. Nobody that is, but myself.

I left my reins in the hands of another. Blinded by the belief that things would somehow get better and I would actually be content with having myself tamed. I was fine for a while. But all those sharp and often unnecessary constraints have clearly left their marks. The scars don’t show physically but they burn with a relentless throb.

Now I often question my choice.

Would I be much happier if I had just walked out of that stable and never turned back.

 

 

posted by BabyGin in confessions,emo,personal,sad,tragedies,upset,wordy and have No Comments

Autumn Crossroads

tokyo784

There always comes a time in your perfect little world where cracks start to show and leaks somehow become cascades, eventually causing a succession of erratically confused panic that could only be defined by an incredulously delusional sequence of thoughts and actions.

The world turns topsy turvy…

No.

My world turns topsy turvy.

Contentment and sadness no longer in polarity, they seep into one another and become part of each other. Where does one start and where does one end. The questions beggingly implore my pounding heart, head, and sometimes hand. They say the heart wants what it wants. But what does the heart really want?

The truth can sometimes be glaringly bare.

For the heart wants many things. Too often things that seem unable to meet, leaving a trail of tangled knots and imperfect crossroads. So then what does the heart want? It does not choose its path. It only creates more; almost like a butterfly effect that takes pleasure in sending masses into unknowing chaos.

DCIM100GOPRO

Solidarity calls for attention. Yet heartstrings tug back in fearful confusion.

Like the bright red leaves of autumn, love is only a temporary illusion. They fall and what was once seemingly beautiful, find themselves in a forgotten medley of muddy brown, ash like dissolutions. But memory remains, and like the pull of gravity, one yearns for what was. In hopeful eyes, one always yearns for what was.

It’s a lie.

Everything is a lie.

The past will always hold you back.

And sometimes, that past is of a future hope instead.

Or simply, a fear of losing something precious in your life.

“Hold me in your arms, and tell me everything’s going to be all right.”

posted by BabyGin in confessions,emo,personal,pics,sad,travelogue,wordy and have No Comments