Life's Bittersweet Simplicities

21 August 2014

There are days in a year that you feel at your lowest. A sinking feeling that eats at your emotions and causes your life to feel completely worthless. Nothing seems to cheer you up and you can’t identify the causes of your pain. You can pick up bits and pieces but it’s hard to tell if it’s really the combination of each unrelenting fragment or a much bigger reason – you just don’t know yet.

Today is one of those days. At least i think it’s one of those days. The past couple of weeks has been riddled with confusion of extreme highs and lows and today I’m at its peak. A bleak nothingness that exist. There isn’t the heat of anger nor the tears of sadness. It is just empty emotions with no purpose or reason.

There isn’t a desire to do something or to see anyone. You flinch at the touch of every living thing; a loved one, a prized cat and even a favourite dog. What you do know is this. You aren’t happy and your heart won’t stay still. It beats in an irregular fashion, mimicking the comings of an anxiety attack or perhaps something worst. Yet it beats in a hauntingly slow manner, a throbbing that does not pound yet hits at you with such an intensity, it feels like nausea is on its way.

There is a foreboding feeling in the air. You shiver even in the warmth of a summer’s breeze and you dread the daily workings of the coming days. Appointments and responsibilities; you want nothing to do with them and yet you go on, you carry on with your day lying to the world that everything is fine and not the slightest thing is out of place.

Nobody knows. Nobody understands.

But why would they?

To those that live a healthy happy life, such displays of grief is merely a cry for unwarranted attention and a disgusting weakness that should not exist.

To those that feel the same, the fact is this. It is never the same.

Each individual feels just that little bit of difference and in the end it is a pain felt only as one single individual.

 

posted by BabyGin in confessions,emo,personal,wordy and have No Comments

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